Dating Form

NOTE: I am happily married and no longer accepting applications. This is provided for historical (hysterical?) purposes only.

So you want to date me (why, what's wrong with you?). Rather than waste the time to meet and such, here is an easy to fill out pre-date form.

I stole this idea from a web site that stole it from someone else. Kind-of like an STD... it's a gift that keeps on giving...

All names have been changed to protect me, and only me.

Personal Info, so I can stalk you.
Yahoo ID:
Email address:
Phone number:

OK, now some personal questions:
What is your favorite color?:
Red and Black

Are you employed?:
No, gimmie money!
Yes, but gimmie money anyway!

Are you smarter than me?:
Hell yes
I'm not a fish, so yes
Hell no
Oh! Shiny!

Have you had more sexual partners than I have?:
Not that I'll admit to

Do you have any issues that would prevent you from having a successful relationship?
None that I'll ever tell you about (even if we did have a relationship)
I need a magazine rack to hold all my issues

Do you like kids?:
I hate them. All of them.
With the right BBQ sauce and long enough to cook...
They make good slaves
I have kids (1-2)
I have 12-37 kids, and that many X's
I want kids, just not with you
I want to have your children... RIGHT NOW...

Here are some true and false:

TrueFalseI will do anything to make Russ happy regardless how shallow they (or he) may seem
TrueFalseI will only be happy if I can serve you, my master
TrueFalseUnder no circumstances will I file any reports with the authorities
TrueFalseThe FBI is no longer looking for me in the normal ways
TrueFalseThis statement is false
TrueFalseI only wish to consume your flesh to gain your power

Some question that don't fit other places:
How many toilets do you have in your home?:

Can I drink out of them?

Finally some date questions:

If we do date, do you plan to spoil me rotten?:
Hell yes
How long do you keep without refrigeration?
You pretty much smell rotten now

The ideal location for our first date would be (Check all that apply):
Somewhere close to a law enforcement office
The darkest place available (so you don't have to look at me)
A gas station
In Russ' dreams

The idea of a sexual encounter with Russ makes me (Check all that apply):
Break out in hives
Try to scrub away the dirty feeling
Take more sedatives
Obviously insane

If Russ was to take me out to a concert, I would like to see:
Tara MacLean
Tara MacLean
Tara MacLean
Tara MacLean

A dream date with Russ should include:
Lots of liqour
Moonlit ocean view
A bag of scorpions and a jellybean
6 chambers, 1 bullet
Me not there

What you like most about me is:
My wallet
You get stupid around pretty girls
OK, stupid around any girls

And to wrap it up:

Take this space to tell me anything else I should know about you. Please include arrest warrents and restraining orders, and remember to use small words